To my son on your due date.

Dearest Avery,

We planned for this day for the better part of this year. What we couldn’t prepare ourselves for was saying goodbye to you. Many questions have flooded my mind since you left us and many go unanswered but one I know for sure. Knowing what I know now about the outcome of your pregnancy would I do it all over again if I had to? The answer is yes. I would take the pain of saying goodbye to you every day if that means I get to love you.

And oh do I love you sweet boy. I hope you get to know that in Heaven but in case you don’t I’ll be there some day to make sure you know that we loved you as much as we possibly could and we will continue to love you until we meet again. For now I let go of the expectation of having you here on earth and I move on from who I expected you to be in our lives. Instead I’m embracing being your mom and everything that now means. I’m going to find ways to make you a part of our lives until we are reunited in Heaven.

We had so many plans to teach you so many things but instead you’re the one going to be teaching me. You changed my life and made me a mother. Not the kind of mother I ever hoped to be but a mother no less. Now that I’m a bereaved mom I’m proud to be the one chosen to love you and remember you. I hope one day you’ll tell me you’re proud of me too.

I love you, Avery Jordan, unconditionally and with more love than I ever knew I could hold in my heart; with the kind of love that spans earth and Heaven, unchangeable by distance and time.

You are forever my little boy.

Love, Mommy

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