Day 10.

Ten days since I had to say hello and goodbye to you sweet little man. I keep waiting for this veil people tell me will lift and although I will not get over it,  some sense of normalcy will return. The concept I’ve struggled with the most during this tragic time is the term “lost pregnancy”. Lots of books and resources refer to what happened to me as this. I didn’t lose my pregnancy or my baby and I have to get my self to stop saying that. My baby died so that he could go to Heaven to be God’s angel. I was too good a mama to him to ever have “lost” him and I will see him again someday. A lot of others who are trying to find the right thing to say have said “I’m sorry this happened to you”. Even with this pain being just too much to bare at times, I’m not sorry this happened. If this is the only way I have to love my sweet Angel Avery then I couldn’t change it for anything. He has broke open my heart into a million pieces and showed me a kind of love that I never knew existed and now if all I have of him is a corner of my broken heart to love the little boy I never got to meet in this earthly life, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

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